Breathe In - Breathe Out

Oh, how I wish there were words to describe the overwhelming feelings racing around inside my heart and my head. There are days, where I think God what are you doing? There is NO way I am even remotely qualified to be a mom, let alone a single mom. And then there are days when I just can't stand it, and I scream the loudest silent scream I possibly can. All this to say, I can't and don't want to turn back now. This is the critical moment right now, if I don't do it I never will, and I think what I am feeling is what it means to sacrifice, to make a sacrifice, to choose it out of love and abundance, not out of fear and desperation. Am I qualified? No. Am I willing? Yes. Am I capable? No. Is God? Yes.

I can't say what lies ahead in the future: adoption-marriage, marriage-adoption, ? All I know how to do right now is trust in God, I am leaning hard on him because I ABSOLUTELY need him, and knowing that he is there brings me such peace. When I begin to dream about the possibility of being a mom, being selected by someone to raise their child, being trusted to bring hope to anothers' life, my heart skips a beat and I have to catch my breath. I realize that some things are much more important than me, and the world is much larger than the safe one I have created around me. And if somehow, someway what I do brings God glory, then what I have dreamed will reach far beyond what I could have imagined.

So.......now comes the scary part, to let all my insecurities fall, to quiet all the thoughts and conversations in my head, and to let my heart lead me. God be with me. I start on my journey, I begin the march, like a warrior knowing that what he fights for is not for his future but of the ones he loves, the ones to come, so that they might have a world better than his, have a freedom that is fuller than his, and to love without fear. So I put my trust in you God, and you have put your trust in me, so I will have faith that everything will fall into place.